Posted by: janetleigh | November 26, 2007

Ode to Woman – tweaked – salvageable?

She rode in on rare Castle Rock
air, head tilted toward a dream
vision voiced bell-ring clear
& fate fixed
parched labor long now drawn
into life’s rich and vibrant stream

refreshed and strong
purposed longings revived
foreseen off on horizon’s edge
will claim her frail fraught albatross
triumphant,

tacit strength anew, knowing
she steers her own fortune
twinkle-eyed and amiss in bliss
she held her gifts out of sight
(like stars aglow for midnight)

eye-espied
will stoop to broken stem
lift life’s trembling rose
engrossed
lip to bloom

misses not its message lost
in heart-felt gloom
boldly keep a keen eye
for far off storm approach
with adjuvant ear to ground

life being like that
she preens it
will ferry no linger nor look back
she’s on a different track
at life’s breach
where no man stands for long

worn reins in a pair of hands
a cry a sigh a heart expands
a steady steed he goes
to a place where no man knows
it set a steel eyed course
for far off fertile land
where a rare wind blow

she stops
clear the air of heady thought
draws an eye over, high above Rock
to a glide pattern old Eagle Eye
plays to

catching fetching golden rays
soon to settle in its rest
far from eyes that stare him down
she, in wingless gaze task to test
with hope to rote
traces its glorious flight to nest

she owes no man quarter
she lives to give
reins the gain of many returns
her gifts lost on those who lack
life’s bright and heady light
hidden in plain view
for those who know
innocence is soul sight

her purpose hands expand on Rock
the earth nods
rowing white waters the river sings
earth curtsies
follow her rhythm
congo-line
down to Sublime
no simple way to read her soul
than to walk through it

this, a soft-footed, brown-haired
lithe-limbed warble-voiced bird;
it’s why the earth loves through her
hands, like panned gold
it’s how she knows the silence
running beneath hop-scotched snow

she flows

Twinklized, this one knows
no permanent perch
she learns, she flows
better to scope the swoop like Eagle Eye
harmonize her nest
she learns, she earns
with eye to eventual rest

there is a name for this
hidden within a miracle
hidden within a name
do you hear it
you shall know it

sound of a clear clean heart
plum of nature’s best
it’s ridden the river
been put to the test
pools out a mind for all
who thirst, will drink
too deeply
for all life’s hurt

will wear pain like a cross
love like a curse
fought in a breach left
where no man stands

She’s of the Ancient Ones
she’s one of the blessed
makes your life a purpose
as she makes your life a nest
purpose makes for perfect life
and she your perfect rest

This is a miracle
this, a name anew
This a miracle
the One who Calls for You


wildhorsewoman_275_275.jpg

( a little levity :)

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Responses

  1. Dear Janet,

    I want to thank you for your recent visit to my world. I am so happy my words meant something to you….as for your comments.
    I am simply not worthy. I am truly humbled…

    The hour is such that I must bear myself away. I find your thoughts on the soul and your affinity for the sea most inspirational.

    I will come back with a bouquet…for now as a token of my visit I leave here a blue flower for you….Your poem deserves careful contemplation. I will not risk a casual glance.

    soon,
    Shakir Hasnain

    Hello Shakir,

    I am so honored by your visit to my humble wordpress and for the beautiful blue flower you left me. I love guests bearing gifts, but your words alone more than suffice. Visiting your words today was very emotional, indeed. I thought I’d die reading “On your way to the wizard’s dwelling”. It’s one of those rare poems where the heart jumps and one feels light-headed by the beauty and impact of feelings invoked. The only other writer that has affected me in this manner is Kahlil Gibran. I look forward to learning more about you and your work, Shakir. Thank you so much for stopping in. Please consider my haven as shelter from/in the storm…:)

  2. i think this doesn’t need tweaking at all. a really good read

    Welcome to Poetmeister and thank you so much for the confidence you put in to this piece, robospangles. It feels like I took a machete to it and wondered if I left enough or if I sliced and diced it beyond recognition..;> So, your words give me more hope than I had hoped for. Thank you for taking the time to tell me that..:)

  3. If you ask about tweaking, I too think it is very well written. It would be easier if it were divided into smaller pieces, but that’s just my opinion. I loved this part:

    “She’s of the Ancient Ones
    she’s one of the blessed
    makes your life a purpose
    as she makes your life a nest
    purpose makes for perfect life
    and she your perfect rest”

    Anna, thank you for that, and for the suggestion to divide it up into smaller pieces. I did just that and hope you would give me some feedback on this second little tweak, time permitting, of course..:) And it pleases me to know that you like that stanza, too. It’s one of my favorites of the poem, too.

  4. I take this a profound opening up of your soul, as which only you can understand fully, but grateful are we, that you aid us in understanding you more. To see a jewel of you is to see the Jewel of the All of You.

    What a lovely thing to say, Tom. Thank you for continuing to inspire me to reach for the best, as is always demonstrated in your own work..:) {{{hugs}}}

  5. Wow! This was a little longer than what I like to read but well worth it. I like the way you ended it:

    She’s of the Ancient Ones
    she’s one of the blessed
    makes your life a purpose
    as she makes your life a nest
    purpose makes for perfect life
    and she your perfect rest

    This is a miracle
    this, a name anew
    This a miracle
    the One who Calls for You

    You outdone yourself. Stay inspired.

    Wow! Thank you, Amanda, for such a rousing reaction to this piece. This is a long read; that you would stick with it to the end and then give me that shot in the arm, is bliss-making, for sure! This is the longest piece I’ve written so far, and probably the last one, too. It’s taken a lot out of me, almost 2 years in the making (on and off, of course!), but my spirit would not rest until it was written, without any bars on length either, sorry to say. But from the wonderful comments I’ve received so far, I’m assuming the consensus is that it works; it has, indeed, a beginning, middle, and end which satisfies, yes?

  6. Thank you again Janet for your kind words. I have linked you to my principal blog. I just finished reading your poem. It was very intense and there was an element of flight in it .It fluttered a while around me, disturbed my halo and then away it went , taking it to its nest in the crags… that is the effect.

    I find the poem very novel and love it back for it deals with arrival and severance and that ineluctable freedom which only a few possess.

    tonight I will leave here a quill…may you always write like the person you are… and i think you listen to some very beautiful songs.

    shakir

    Thank you, Shakir, for such a lovely take on this piece, and I’m just pleased to bliss that you “caught the swoop” and rode it to its resting place. Such a compliment! Such a rush! for me, of course. *blush* At least I’m honest. And thank you so much for providing a link from your blog to mine. This is an honor, indeed. And the quill, well, I’m admiring it greatly; it feels so comfortable between my thumb and fingers, so striking in its perfection complementing a delicate hand. Thank you so much, I shall treasure it always. Now, I’m intrigued by the last thing you wrote. I believe I do listen to some very beautiful songs, and music. The songs that resonate and feed my soul are those written and sung by Van Morrison. I listen to Morrison more than any other recording artist; what this says about me, I suppose I’d need to be sitting down for, right? heh heh.

  7. Wow. The music is tangible in this one. Love it.

    I love comments like this, reluctantscribe. Wow! Wanna dance..? ;>

  8. surefooted. biting storytelling.

    Thank you, Jak..:)

  9. It opens strong and with good rhythm . . . Sorry, my concentration just caputed or something like that. Can you send it (the poem) to me in a doc or email? I’d love to look it over and comment on it.
    By the way, I owe you an email, but life has been . . . as it has . . . for the last six weeks or so. I’m hoping the new meds work out . . .

    David

  10. “she steers her own fortune” indeed… i also like the thought of wearing “love like a curse”

    I appreciate you’re telling me what works in a poem for you, Brian. I love getting a glimpse into that mind of yours..:)

  11. enjoyed your use of enjambments. some a quite sharp. thaks for that. hope you’re well.

    Thanks, Scott! I’d love to know which ones you think are sharp. And thank you for asking – I’ve had better days. I’ve been going nucking futz what with Holidays nipping at my heels and my Mom’s sudden & serious health crisis. If I told you all the impediments to my getting from VA to CT to see her, you’d fall in a heap to the floor and weep. And I wouldn’t put you through that..:) I hope you and your family are well and enjoying the Holidays.

  12. Got a little bit confused while reading :S

    That’s okay, facts fun. Me, too. OH! You mean you ‘got a little bit confused while reading’ my poem. Gosh, I wish you wouldn’t do that..:)

  13. This is my favorite part:

    she steers her own fortune
    twinkle-eyed and amiss in bliss
    she held her gifts out of sight
    (like stars aglow for midnight)

    It flows well, creating a clear picture, and is very empowering for women. I like the strength in this woman, the boldness.

    “I like the strength in this woman, the boldness.” You are “this woman,” Sara – this is an ode to all women.

    My heart leapt at the reading of your words. Some ppl have trouble understanding these lines and yet you seem to understand on some level else you wouldn’t think it created a clear picture, right? (If your take on it isn’t quite what I’m about to describe, Sara, I’d be interested in specifics re your interpretation..:) In my life experience I’ve noticed that some women who are animated, light-hearted, and entranced in a love for all things Life are often mistaken for cerebral light-weights when, in fact, women with an exuberance for life, who don’t take themselves too seriously, project optimism and child-like innocence may be in the possession of exceptional mental faculties and very-much “steering” their own lives and fortunes. And very well at that..:)


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