i really like that last line, the state of each word makes the line interesting to me, like there is a period after each word- halting.
i like the whole haiku. Every word matters. That’s why i don’t write them, but i love to red others’ work.
And wind in trees is so hypnotic, lovely- how could you miss?
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback, Christine. I’m glad the last line worked the way it is meant to; the sounds of the words in line 2 make it necessary to halt from one word to the next, in strict contrast to the first line where the words flow into each other, sort of like a run-on sentence. I’m sure there’s a term for this technique, but I sure don’t know its name..:) I like to try my hand at haiku because I love the form, but I think I’m more suited to writing what I call “jestkus” as I’m more of a smartass than a sophisticate. I wish I could be more disciplined like most of my readers who branch out into other forms of poetry, but it’s difficult for me to concentrate for long periods of time anymore. My days of poring over text books is gone. Over. Kaput. I struggle with cognitive deficits daily – but I try not to let it “own” me and I look on the bright side of things, mostly. Besides, the neat thing about having short-term memory loss is I get that wonderful thrill of learning something new – over and over and over again! ;> Hugs to you and thanks again for the wonderful mental work out last night. I do love to think so when my mind’s working right, I rejoice in discovering something I hadn’t thought about before! And, yours was a great exercise in mental aerobics!
Thank you so much for this out of body moment. As I read it I found myself laying on my back under a stand of aspen. Watching as a Summer breeze waltzes with the tops of the trees. What a fine moment to have on such a cold day. Again, thanks. Dobry Den.
It just pleases me so to know you also like to lay on your back to observe things overhead; and your description put me right there beside you, Polar! I just love it when something I write has a special affect on the reader! Thanks so much for telling me so..:)
Then it wouldn’t be a haiku now, would it, Scott? (5-7-5) And I don’t recognize the word “luch” – is it an Irish kinda thing? For example: the un luch (y) green thingamagig slithering across the road is actually the loch ness monster in search of his watering hole.
For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
My soul laid bare ..tread lightly, please ;>
This is where I plan to bare my soul for all the world to see - warts and all. I plan on letting it all hang out here, so to speak, not knowing exactly what direction it may take, but I hope you're along for the ride. If you are, you'll be respected and valued here for your poetic sensibilities. We can explore the content of our hearts and intricate workings of our minds, together. But above all else, I declare this place a safe haven from the slings and arrows of life that may be bent on foisting themselves in our general direction, seeking to strip all heart-felt and pithy profundities from our poetic souls. Mercy! Do I hear an Amen?! :>
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It should be understood without stating that poetry written on Poetmeister is copyright material of Janet Leigh, unless otherwise stated, and all rights are reserved. Please respect my rights or I will visit you in your worst nightmare. Thank you. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
UPDATE 2 My Gentle Readers:
Please take note that my responses to your comments may be embedded along with your comments, or may stand alone as a separate comment. I'm in the process of catching up with my blog which is behaving like a whiplash smile. heh heh..
Emily Dickinson Do you have a 19th century sensibility? Or are you an intellectual? Do you write a lot? Because it seems like you have a lot in common with classic American poet, Emily Dickinson. Read more...